The Curse of the Noldor

I finished re-reading the Silmarillion over our Hong Kong trip. It’s amazing how He’s used Tolkien to teach me things over the years. This time it was about letting go. There’s a character named Feanor who makes three jewels and they are the most beautiful in the world. They are the ‘silmarils’ which gives the book its title. Feanor’s ability to craft beautiful things is unsurpassed and he encloses the light of heaven (which he did not create) in the jewels.

But his selfishness, pride and lust for the jewels leads to the triumph of evil, division of families, bloodshed and much misery. So how does that relate to me? I am having to face the fact that Savana and Lexi are going to be leaving soon. For those of you who’ve known us a long time, you may have heard the story that Savana had periventricular heart contractions (PVCs) even before she was born. They discovered this during labor at the hospital and we weren’t sure how she would be affected. They warned us of the worst but said it would probably be okay. I remember clearly, even before she was born, that I had to hand her over to Him. She didn’t really belong to us anyway. So we did. We trusted. Of course she was born beautiful and healthy and the PVCs had faded before she even started school.

However, I realized this last week that I’d really never ‘handed over’ Lexi in the same way. I was still ‘holding on’ to her. These kids all have the light of heaven in them, but I didn’t create that light. It’s time to let go. Not stop loving them, but to let go. But not Wyatt quite yet…

: )

Hong Kong

Hong Kong top of peak tram cable car

Savana's 18th Birthday Dinner! Indian food!


Cheung Chau Island Hong Kong at the retreat center. Beautiful! There are no cars on this island. Wyatt had a blast exploring. He and Lexi were literally swinging from tree vines. He was reading Tarzan at the time.....

We're back from Hong Kong!

We had a great time. We'll post some photos and info soon.

It was an interesting transition for me. The last few days, I was really ready to come home. And home was Kunming. Whoa.

It was very comfortable heading into the Kunming Airport and going through China Immigration. Especially compared to our first trip last May...

We've come a long way!

This is Not Round Table

Our good friend B gave Bobbie a recipe for homemade pizza dough. I was tagged for this dangerous assignment. After mixing the ingredients, you are supposed to 'beat vigorously.' I used a whisk. As I started my vigorous beating, the dough all got stuck inside the whisk. Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to deal with that? Pull the sticky mess out with your fingers and use your hands...

The picture above is not pretty, but I have to say the pizza is pretty good. The cheese, pepperoni and sauce came from three 'western' stores and the vegetables came from the local market.

Here is the end result.

It's pretty good, if I say so myself.

Here's the recipe if you want it:

1 Tbsp yeast
1 cup warm water
1 Tsp sugar
1 Tsp salt
2 Tbsp vegetable oil
2.5 cups of flour

Dough
1. Dissolve yeast in water
2. Stir in remaining ingredients
3. Beat vigorously (good luck)
4. Let dough rest at least 5 minutes
5. Preheat oven to 425 F (218 C)

1. Spread dough on greased pizza pan (I used chinese 'crisco')
2. Spread tomato (pizza) sauce over dough
3. Sprinkle italian herbs over sauce (I used parsley, thyme & basil)
4. Mozz cheese over all
5. Meat/vegetables on top
6. Bake 20 minutes

Leaving Town

we leave for HK in two days, i don't imagine we will blog until we return after the 27th. not sure of internet availability
my dad called today, two days before we leave and said that he, his girlfriend and my niece are going to try to meet us in HK
he's not quite ready to venture into mainland China yet
recently just watched Iris Chang The Rape of Nanking. Heavy story
on the lighter side we have also been watching Wild China by BBC....highly recommend it! we learned a lot about China and if you love nature shows you will enjoy this
it was exciting for us because the majority of the filming down in south china was in our province yunnan
absolutely beautiful and intriguing, i'm sure if anyone watches this we will have more visitors:)

speaking of which we have a friend planning to come visit in march, and i was able to arrange for him to help coach a chinese women's professional soccer team. i'm not sure that he knows it yet :)

so come for a visit, who knows what will be in store for you

the girls auditioned for a play today Agatha Christie's Mouse Trap.

wyatt has school today with a big game night planned with his classmates

so it's just jeff and me right now and jeff is making homemade pizza for the first time! yippee!

everyone is dying to get to the retreat, i learned about a new phase of culture shock today.... culture fatigue grrr i don't want to learn anything else for a while

we'll be ready to rock n roll when we return!

please keep us in your thoughts, as i'm sure the possibility of me taking a new position will resurface during our company retreat

Wyatt's poem "If Only I Was Back There"

You talk to him he shakes his head,

She calls you; you have to hang up,

You need something she laughs,

You say something and it’s hopeless.

You can’t get where you’re going;

Unless it’s written down.

I wish I could but I can’t,

It would take years.

You can’t ask,

You can’t tell.

It’s not in the home,

But it’s all outside.

You can’t read or write,

You want it to be over but,

You enjoy being where you are.

You wish you had that but,

There is no this over there.

It’s bad right now but,

They say it gets better.

Yet do you really believe them,

This doesn’t work, back there it’s

Much better than here.

If only I was back there.

It would be better.

If only I was back there.

Can you guess what this poem is about? I had to ask. Above are a couple signs at the Wild Animal Park on the tiger cages.

Breakfast...

This is currently my favorite Chinese breakfast. I have no idea what it's called. This lady sets up her stand near the college. She's there from "o'dark hundred" (as my Dad would say) until about 9am. So on Wednesdays and Thursdays during school I'd always get one. Many cars and vans wait at this intersection in the morning, their drivers trying to get hired to take people from this neighborhood into town. You can see one in the background. It always cracks them up when I stop there and they especially thought it hilarious when I asked her permission to take this picture. They were teasing both of us. But she was a good sport and is always very friendly when I drop by.

It's some sort of deep fried bread, filled with a little bit of green onions and sausage. Really, really good. It costs 1 RMB or about fifteen cents in US Dollars.

BUT...school is over. I've been to the college only once since classes ended and it's never before 9am. So I'm having withdrawal symptoms. Every weekday in the US, I ate instant oatmeal at the office. Can't get it here. Typically we eat vanilla yogurt and I've started eating two hard boiled eggs every morning. Wyatt often gets jiaozi (Chinese dumplings) and everyone likes these thick Chinese pancakes you can get across form the jiaozi place. They are a bit heavy for me. Cereal is a fairly rare luxury. It's pretty expensive.

We are leaving for Hong Kong this Sunday for the retreat and are looking forward to it.

Funeral Procession

Yesterday we heard fire crackers go off at 9:00am. Which isn't all that unusual since we are so close to Chinese New Year. However, the fire crackers were for a funeral. The fire crackers are to scare off evil spirits.
The procession started in our courtyard and probably a hundred people walked with the casket. I have no idea how far they carried the casket, but it was a good distance. Everybody wore a white head band which I think symbolized that they were part of the family.
Immediately after the first set of fire crackers the hired wailers started mourning. It was a sound I will never forget, it went right through me.
Because the procession started here, I image the deceased body came from an apartment here, where the body was cared for. Something so foreign to Americans. We are so distant from the dead. Here, I imagine the body lies in a home for days and the family helps tend to it, until it is time for the burial.
We are anticipating a talking to, keep us in your thoughts. We need peace and wisdom.

Random thoughts

Random thoughts:

Lately I have had too many things to blog about. There are so many things that I feel like deserve an entire page, but it’s overwhelming to do

Blogging is exhausting; it takes it out of me

So does that mean I am a writer of not, does everyone feel this way when they blog or write a book?

Babies/toddlers poop and pee right on the sidewalk, elevators anywhere they need to, there is a slit in their pants so they can go when ready

You have to watch your step in so many ways

Last night was a beautiful night at the park while we listened to the most amazing musician we have heard here yet

It is not uncommon to see 50 or so musicians playing at the park

Last night for the first time we saw a man writing calligraphy on the sidewalk with water and a paint brush almost as tall as him, I wish I knew what he was writing

The bus continues to always be interesting, a while back an older woman commented on how white my skin was and how dark and ugly hers was. This makes me sad. A woman asked Lexi if she takes injections to whiten her skin. So many take injections and use cream with bleach

There are many friendly people on the bus. Once I got up for an older woman to take my seat and after she sat she whacked me (a friendly whack) to hang on to her chair so that I wouldn’t fall. Then when the person got up in front of her, she whacked me again to take the seat so I wouldn’t have to stand. Physical kindness

Yesterday wyatt was riding his skateboard and a man came up behind him and grabbed him and pulled him off his board and starting pointing and laughing at his hair. He wouldn’t let go of his wrist while he continued to point and laugh. Wyatt came back frustrated. Not so friendly

Having a really hard time making decisions

Made one of the best meals here so far last night. a chinese friend who ran a thai restaurant in the states gave me a recipe for thai chicken and sticky rice……mmmmmmm I was full for the first time in a long time

Struggling with food

It’s starting to all taste the same, it was nice to have something different for the palette

Strawberries are in season here, they are everywhere and wonderful. Making a lot of strawberry sauce. Blend strawberries and add a bit of sugar and pour it over anything and everything, especially pound or yellow cake

Familiar food helps, but still takes a lot of time. Made salad for the first time tonight since I’ve been here

Took an hour to wash everything with vinegar.

Pleasant Goat

This thing haunts me. It is EVERYWHERE you turn in China: drug stores; video stores; children's clothing, shoes and backpacks; candy; department stores; gigantic billboards and buses....there is no escape.



It's a Chinese kids' show, Pleasant Goat & Big Bad Wolf. If you really want to know more you can go here. Frankly I'm more disturbed by the goat than the wolf, who I feel sorry for.



Talk about merchandising, no kids' trend in America has come even close to the strangle-hold this creepy little goat has on the kid market in China. And this market is a LOT bigger. So if you see Pleasant Goat in your neighborhood, beware.

Wedding

The above picture is of Tina the bride and her parents. The wedding was not a traditional Chinese wedding, it was a bit western. The top picture is what Tina changed into after the wedding. This is the bright clothing of her minority group, they do beautiful embroidery.

My friendship with Tina is interesting. Way back when are friend was leaving for the states and offered me her house helper while she was traveling, it was Tina. The first day I met her my friend was introducing us and trying to arrange her working with us. I could tell right away that she was uncomfortable and that she was reluctant to commit. The next day my friend told me that Tina would not work for us and she went out and hired another woman that same day she was leaving for the states......... Xiao Zhang. This was all unknown to me, but over time I started to put two and two together. My friend was insistent that I have help, so she paid TWO house helpers. It wasn't until 3 months later when our was returning from the States and Xiao Zhang would be expected to go back to our friend that I put all the pieces together. Xiao Zhang wanted to continue working with our family, and not return to our friend who...... she had actually never worked for before. Needless to say I was confused, but quickly realized my friend had duped me so that I would have free help and realize I could not live without Xiao Zhang.

Tina meanwhile worked in a store across the street from us. I was concerned that she would feel awkward with me because she didn't want to work with us, so I took her a very large garbage bag of vegetables. She speaks very good English and we instantly hit it off. Over time we shared our struggles with each other, and it turned out we were both wrestling with a similar issue....itching!

Eleven months ago I had a surgical procedure where I reacted to the drugs and itched for 9 miserable months. It is one of the more challenging things I have gone through. Tina had been struggling with an infection in her outer ear for three long years. She had already had surgery and was due for another. You could see how painful her ear was. I think Tina was very surprised to find that this American woman from a very wealthy country was itching just like her.

We committed to praying for each other and it felt like a miracle. We both got better together!! We are both happy to say we are itch free! One of Tina's concern was that she didn't want to look ugly on her wedding day because of her ear. Needless to say she was beautiful! Prayer works! And there is a purpose for everything we go through, even itching.

B

Culture Shock

I don’t have a class until March 1. Wow.

We are in the post-holiday lulls, although the poor kids have to get cracking tomorrow on schoolwork again. We are realizing we are in the “Inner Contradictions” and even “Inner Crisis” stages of culture shock as shown in the picture. We've been here four months. We really went all out for the holidays and it drained us a bit. Bobbie & I especially are dealing with issues of uncertainty, losing confidence, and even a little depression and crisis. But it helps to have information about culture shock that ERRC provided. The struggle is natural and allowing yourself to feel it and work through it to the other side is better than denial. Denial can create bitterness and more isolation. I think the Hong Kong retreat is coming at a good time. One of the suggestions is to get out of your typical environment for a bit. That’s what we’ll be doing. Leaving January 16th is probably just what the Shock-Doctor ordered. We’ll be there til the 27th. We’ll also be there for all three of our birthdays: Me, Savana & Bobbie. Big milestones: Bobbie & I will be 40 and Savana 18. We hope to do some sightseeing and fun stuff to recoup and celebrate.

Big decisions for me are always difficult. The process is often bumpy for us and when you layer in the culture shock and having to make decisions about China, it’s super tough. Should I get a Master’s Degree? Does Savana take a gap year or go to college? What do we do about school next year for Lexi and Wyatt? Do we move to another city?

We’ve been trying to tackle all these things which sure magnifies feelings of inner contradiction and definitely contribute to inner crisis. But we have a friend who sticks closer than a brother and we’ll make it through.

I am going to apply to Azusa Pacific’s Master’s in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). It’s a 30 month program that I can do while still teaching here. Winter breaks I take classes in Thailand and summer breaks in Azusa, SoCal.

Savana may have an opportunity to work next year in Wen Shan, which is on the border of Viet Nam to the southeast of us. During the gap year, she would work with orphans and it would include physical therapy and music therapy, all of which she is very passionate about.

We are looking into possibly moving to Shanghai next year for many different reasons.

Lots of possibilities, opportunities and changes. Please keep us in your thoughts for wisdom, provision and making the right decisions. Happy New Year!